On Monday night, I learned someone very special to me passed away.
So much of who I am today is because I had the honor of knowing Joanna, my youth leader, my mentor, and my friend.
I was 16 years old when we met. I had just moved to Mississauga with my family on January 1st, 2007, a city outside of Toronto. We had been in Montreal for only a few months before then, my first Canadian winter.
I started a new school after the holidays, my 14th school.
At that point in my life, I didn’t know who I was supposed to be. I’m a teenage girl that already went through 3 different high schools in 3 different countries with 3 entirely different school systems. I had just gone through a year and a half of putting my mind through a whirlwind of pressure and work to receive my Swiss school certificate, that when I got to Canada, they told me it didn’t mean anything. I was only in 10th grade, and had already adjusted my idea of the future more times than my mind knew how to do.
I had no future in mind. At least not the way you’re supposed to plan for in high school. Plans didn’t mean anything to me. And I didn’t know where I fit.
That January, I joined a Christian club at school, where a boy with a guitar told me to come by a youth group Saturday night. I went with my sister, an evening led by Joanna.
I haven’t met anyone like Joanna. Her joy, her passion, her selflessness. She was magnetic.
We’d all meet at Tim Hortons after youth group just to spend a few more hours together. I accompanied her, in her black Mercedes Benz, as she picked up others for youth group, and dropped them off. We’d meet with people in their homes on the weekend, just to say hi, drop off food she had picked up, and pray with them. Some of them she knew, some of them were strangers. We’d stop at the Salvation Army shelter where we shared songs and stories. We’d go to the Christian Book Store to pick up cards and gifts, because she was rarely empty handed.
Joanna loved so passionately. I have met people from all walks of life through her, dark and light pasts, when life is easy and when life is hard, of faith and no faith, and watched her love every one the same. She loved boldly, without fear, no matter who you were, or how long she knew you. Her love for being human changed me. She helped me see humanness and life with nuance. With beauty and grace. She helped me change my mind sometimes. She accepted me as I was, inspiring me to love bigger, be better. Her love for me gave me courage.
I grew up in churches, hearing songs about seeking God and God is love, raising hands to the heavens as if love was somewhere in the sky and we had to reach for it. I heard live a life of love and love your neighbor as yourself in buildings with hierarchies and merch stores and fancy stages. But with Joanna, I learned that to love, is simply to be present with others. I learned love is among us, within us. It doesn’t boast or keep records of wrong. To find God, we have to seek each other. Maybe why we all liked spending time together, because Joanna inspired us to see God in each other.
Spending time with her also helped me find my voice. She saw so much in me I didn’t know how to get to, and guided me there. She offered me a space to explore who I could be, to make mistakes, to break my walls and grow into the woman I am today. She showed me that, as a woman, leading a fulfilling life can take different forms. It’s okay to live outside of the lines, it’s okay if you don’t fit inside a structure. After all, Jesus didn’t fit, either.
Looking back, I realize, from 16 up until my late 20s, I spent a majority of my free weekends with Joanna. I met some of the most incredible people through her, including my best friend Emily, who was there that first youth group night. And to think Joanna worked a full time job at the bank, and still made time for us on her free time. I will forever cherish this season of my life.
You are a light, Joanna. You were so gifted at bringing people together. You made a mark on every person you made time for, and now, we carry light, because you showed us how to. I hope to continue to love like you did.
I am honored to have known you.
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." John 15:13
Love you, Joanna.