Afternoon Tea: Creating while feeling low
Have tea with me as I discuss: Creativity and melancholy
This Afternoon Tea topic: Creativity and melancholy
This afternoon’s tea: a London Fog topped with a milk foam sprinkled in cinnamon
I am sipping on my earl grey tea, a bit cold.
There was a moment last week, 4 in the morning, that I awoke and thought about my birthday. I thought, what is there to celebrate? I don’t feel like celebrating myself. The thought made me sad.
I’ve been hard on myself because I had hoped my life would look a little different by May. I had hoped for answers to my big anxious questions. I had hoped for a breakthrough, a change in my routine. I had hoped for a haircut.
I also haven’t written in over a week. (I’m sorry)
Being human is not a linear line. Emotions can feel like an ocean. Sometimes, life happens. Sometimes, it’s our mental health. And sometimes, it’s hormones.
I’ve been feeling a lot of ups and downs lately. Carrying joys and deep anxieties at the same time. Like how last week, while I was down about my upcoming birthday, I had a big call for a big role I had been approached about. I felt excited and confident. The next day, I mentally crashed.
How then, does one stay curious, stay inspired, and create while being on what feels like a ship at sea? How does one stay consistent? Especially when feeling so down?
I continue to lean into the belief that inspiration is a part of who we are. It is integrated into our being. I am creative because we are, at our core, beings of creativity.
While in this personal soul searching season [of honing in on my career and fixing my finances], I’ve also been on an investigative journey into creativity (i.e. this substack). Where does my inspiration come from? Is my creativity linked to my emotional state? Do I need to be happy to create? Do I need to be sad? And is a lack of motivation really a lack or is it more of a fear? Fear of failing, fear of being bad, wrong, imperfect.
I’m not sure why, but we like to associate artists with suffering. We like to believe their best art is created when they are melancholic, angry, or depressed. What is there to write about if you are happy? What is there to sing about if your heart isn’t hurting?
Of course, incredible art has been made from pain. The idea of art being an outlet to explore emotions, uncertainties and doubts and unanswered questions is powerful and beautiful. I’m grateful for creativity when I feel low. Even when I don’t make anything.
I feel a sense of control with art. A certain predictability. I know that when I put pen to paper, I get a drawing. There’s familiarity. In the midst of uncertainty, I find this comforting. Art is comforting.
I’ve come to realize that art brings me joy, no matter how I feel inside. When I don’t feel like making something or writing, it’s mostly because I don’t want to do it imperfectly. Not because I feel sad or am uninspired. As you’ve read me write before, I believe you can always be inspired. We are all capable of inspiration, at any given time.
I’ve also become aware of how stress can freeze me. If I am anxious about my finances, my mind gets stuck thinking only about a few things. And being creative isn’t on my to-do list. When the truth is, I become unstuck when I make time to create. When I make time to rest my mind, the impossible doesn’t seem so impossible anymore. I make room for hope.
I believe creativity makes room for hope.
I’m grateful for the artists that have come before me, creating powerful art in the midst of their pain. But, I wish some of them had lived more peaceful, happier lives. To be anxious, inside your head, sad is a tiring way of being. I know this. You can be at peace and create powerful art, still.
In his book Catching the Big Fish: Meditation, Consciousness, and Creativity, David Lynch wrote, “It's good for the artist to understand conflict and stress. Those things can give you ideas. But I guarantee you, if you have enough stress, you won't be able to create. And if you have enough conflict, it will just get in the way of your creativity. You can understand conflict, but you don't have to live in it."
He continues with this, “The more the artist is suffering, the less creative he is going to be. It’s less likely that he is going to enjoy his work and less likely that he will be able to do really good work.”
I turn 34 tomorrow. I want to make sure I make room for peace and hope. I want to be gracious with myself when I feel down, and know that when I create, I’ll find joy.
I’ve made a list of simple ways I like to be creative when I feel down, activities that don’t require much thought that bring peace and hope into my mind, to refresh my inspiration, for my paid subscribers:
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